The Masters Flip Out
by side-fish
Summary: A short fanfic about the Masters of Kung Fu Panda flipping out. If you feel you don't want to read it, then do not. My first Rated M fanfic. If you ask why I'm making this, it's just I haven't written anything for KFP for quite some time now :P.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: First, you need to watch www,youtube,com/watch?v=klOFz_VGpUg or www,youtube,com/watch?v=YTihsJQHt48so that you don't say how mean I am to ruin such an awesome character. Remember to change the ',' to '.' in the URL.

Second, this is the first of only two chapters.

Lastly, did you know that Kung Fu Panda was almost not released due to a tiny little incident. This scene was released to the public by Dreamworks for insurance purposes just incase the movie was not going to be released.

* The author of this fanfic is in no way related to Dreamworks.

Act 1: Shifu Flips Out

Shifu was playing his bamboo flute in the palace garden. A normal day, he tries to calm his spirit with gentle presses to the holes to which the instrument releases a fine sound. It was peaceful and quiet… too quiet. Something did not feel write. He was proven right. Out of nowhere, Tigress sprung of her hiding spot and soon, the rest of the furious five followed. From stillness, Shifu sprung to life jumping sky high and evading every attack his students had to offer him. Small as he was, he was quick to his feet using whatever he can, including his bamboo flute, to evade every blow. Despite this, his students' determination never faltered. With each failed attempt, they made ways to find new ones… with little success. Finally, the battle was over. Shifu was in a ready stance as well as his students.

"Well, done students." He said to which the furious five bow to their master. "If you were trying to disappoint me. Tigress, more ferocity. Crane, grace. Viper, more subtlety... wait wait what are you doing there?!"

It turns out that Po was watching in the background. "Uh… hi."

"It's not even your seen yet! How long have you been standing there!"

"I was… since the beginning." Po said shyly.

"I'd kick your **fucking** **ass**! I want you off the set you _**prick**_!"

Po was telling Shifu how sorry he was to calm him down. "No, don't just be sorry. THINK for one **fucking** second. What the **FUCK** are you doing?! Are you professional or not?!"

Po just gulped his words, fearing that anything he would say might aggravate the situation.

"Do I **fucking** walk around and rip... no, shut the **fuck** up." He said to his students who were only trying to calm him down. "Do I… No! No! Don't shut me up. Do I walk around when you're doing your scenes? In the middle of your scene?"

Po just shook his head.

"Then why the **FUCK** are you walking right through?! A-yada-yada like this in the background, what the **fuck** is with you?! WHAT DON'T YOU **FUCKING** UNDERSTAND?! You got any **fucking** idea about hey! It took us a lot of intense work just to do that scene right and you just happen to be on the **fucking** scene. Gimme a **fucking** answer!"

But Po was silent.

"What don't you get about it?... **fuck** sake man you're amateur." Shifu then looked to his students. "You've got something to say to this _**prick**_?"

"But master, we didn't see him coming." Tigress just said a bit worried to his master.

"Well someone should be watching and keeping an eye on him. It's the second time that he doesn't give a **FUCK** about what is going on." He then tried to calm himself down, but given that he is Shifu, he just couldn't. "Alright, We're trying to **fucking** do a scene here and I'm going why the **fuck** is Po in the middle of the scene? What is he doing there? Do you understand? All that work for nothing."

"I'm really sorry. It's just that I'm such a big fan…" Po said trying to explain

"Stay off the **fucking** background, for **fuck**'s sake." He sighed. "Right let's go again."

"Master, maybe we should take a minute." Viper suggested.

"Let's not take a **fucking** minute, let's go again! And let's not have Po **fucking** walking in!" He sighed. "You're unbelievable, you're **fucking** unbelievable. The number of times you stroll in the **fucking** background. I've never worked with anyone that behaved like this… and you don't **fucking** understand what it's like working with actors because that's what that is. I'm telling you." Shifu was still pissed for all the preparations to do that scene. "I'm gonna **fucking** kick your **ass** if you do that again, alright?"

Po just stood silent and gulped his mouth.

"I'm gonna go unless you do this again and trash my scene. You do it one more time and I ain't walking back if you're still here…. Seriously, you and me, were **fucking** done professionally…"

Shifu then left the scene trying to calm himself down after that. He went to the sacred peach tree to do some meditation. "**Fucking** **ass**." He inhaled deeply. "Inner peace. Inner peace."

Shifu's profanity score

**25** fucks, **_2_** pricks, **3** asses


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: z-dawg22, you just read my mind : P. shifufangirl95, I have a feeling you did not watch the video. Purpleground, I think Shifu's record has not been broken. Kronosdragon, I'm sorry, but this will be the last chapter... until maybe I find another youtube video that I can use just for this fic.

That big argument between Shifu and Po almost gave Shifu a heart attack. But eventually, they settled their differences and the movie was distributed. Anyway, let's give him a break, shall we?

Before you read this, you must watch www,youtube,com/watch?v=-88Y1-TlASM&feature=channel_page. Remember to change the ',' to '.' in the URL.

Oogway Flips Out

Master Oogway was not known as a master just because he knew kung fu. Sure he was very passionate about his teachings and is very good to his students. But if anyone knew Oogway better, it is that he is not only a master of kung fu, but a master of overclocking[1] and you will know why. One day however, he ordered his students to deliver dry ice [2]… imported of course.

One day, Monkey, along with Po and the rest of the Furious Five, go to Oogway to report the good news. They reach Oogway and have closed door meeting. "The dry ice has been shipped from West Africa. It has been routed through Egypt and has been thoroughly inspected. It should arrive in Berlin with an ETA of three days." Monkey reports with a sense of pride. "It has also been officially inspected by the Taiwanese."

Master Oogway smiles to his report. "Prepare the pots for the GPUs and make sure my CPU pot is thoroughly lapped."

Suddenly, a silence filled the air.

Monkey was hesitant. "Master… Futuremark[3]…" He did not continue.

Mantis continued to answer what Monkey was about to say. "Futuremark crashes during every loop. We know this is hardware related. Your HD4870 X2's[4] need replacements."

Silence filled the air again and this time, everyone felt a bit uneasy. The word was out and Oogway's smile slowly faded and his fist clenched slowly but tightly. He kept his face away from the crowd. "Everyone who is not a Catalyst[5] beta tester leave… immediately."

Po, Tigress and Viper left the room leaving Monkey, Mantis and Crane. As the last person left, Oogways head slowly raised up and faced the remaining three.

"What the **fuck**! Where is the warranty?! **Fucking** cheap brands! Who's **fucking** idea was it to get GECUBE[6]?!"

Outside, the three listen in from the outer walls and heard the yells of the soft-spoken master they thought could not yell. Viper started to cry a bit. Crane was in there and he was taking the heat.

" For what?! To save a petty Fifty bucks! I would have given it to you myself! One year warranty my _**arsehole**_. ASUS[7], Gigabyte[8], even Sapphire[9]! Where the **fuck** is ATITool[10] when you need it?"

"Master, what about Catalyst Control Center[11]?" Crane asked.

"That couldn't even control my **dick**!" Oogway yelled.

"But master, why not go get a GTX 280[12]?" Crane countered.

"NVIDIA[13] can't even **fucking** release drivers[14], let alone a decent GPU[15]!" He banged his staff to the ground to which the wooden floor bent and broke. "Big Bang II my **_arse_**! We had not even tested Quadfire[16]!" Oogway was on a roll. "I still can't believe you mentioned NVIDIA, you _NVIDIOT_! And what the **fuck** is with their codenames too?!" He stopped for a while, still thinking this was not happening. Oogway was in agony. "Why didn't we buy ASUS?!" He yelled at the three. "They come with a three year warranty!" He was still mad. The boys almost thought they could see that his head was turning red from all the anger. "Why weren't we using RivaTuner 2.11[17] in the first place? We were idling at 85 degrees Celsius." The boys could not give a reply thinking it was a bad idea. "And who's idea was it to put the **fucking** core[18] to 950 megahertz?! 1.5 volts this, 1.6 volts that. I saw it hit 130 degrees before it crashed on load! At least set the fan speed[19] to 100 percent!" He then faced a bit higher facing the corner of the ceiling. "Where are the drivers! God **_damn_ **you AMD[20] and ATI[21]!"

Outside, Viper's tears were streaming. Tigress and Po tried to comfort the weeping snake. "Don't worry. Catalyst 9 will fix all."

Oogway slowly calmed down and came back to his senses. "Maybe I should have reverted back to Catalyst 8.8." He was in redemption. "At least we never had any microstuttering[22]. No vsync[23]." The three were just listening to the grand master and were very lucky. They had survived the wrath of Oogway and still lived to tell about it. "Vista[24] was good to me." He then faced the three solemnly to make a point. "One thing is clear though, never will I buy an NVIDIA card or NVIDIA chipset." He then faced the floor and slowly walked away the room. He sighed. "At least I scored 24K in 3DMark 06[25]."

Just in case you did not get that, here's…

Grand Master Oogway's glossary

[1] Overclocking – the act of increasing the GPU clocks to increase the performance of the GPU

[2] Dry ice – used for GPU cooling. More particularly when you are overclocking

[3] Futuremark – also known as 3DMark Vantage, it is the latest 3D benchmarking tool released by the company of the same name for DX10. (I scored about 3000 plus 3DMarks :( )

[4] HD4870 X2 – the most advanced GPU ATI has to give. It once had the record of fastest GPU until defeated by NVIDIA's GTX 295 just this January.

[5] Catalyst – see Catalyst Control Center

[6][7][8][9] GECUBE, ASUS, Gigabyte and Sapphire are GPU brands

[10] ATITool – freeware that allows for GPU overclocking

[11] Catalyst Control Center - used to adjust settings on your GPU particularly for ATI

[12] GTX 280 – one of the most advanced GPU NVIDIA has to give. It once had the record of fastedst GPU until defeated by ATI Radeon's HD4870 X2.

[13] NVIDIA – A company more popularly known to designing and selling GPU. ATI is the main competitor of NVIDIA.

[14] driver – software updates that better the performance of the GPU

[15] GPU – short for a Graphics Processing Unit, it is a must for playing intense games and benchmarking. It is also known as a video card.

[16] Quadfire – this configuration is done with two GPUs of the same kind connected to produce a better FPS or frames per second performance

[17] RivaTuner – a downloadable freeware that allows you to control advanced features of the GPU

[18] Clock – There are three clocks in a GPU. Increasing the frequency increases the performance and the temperature.

[19] Fan speed – Refers to the fan of your CPU fan. Increasing the fan speed to 100% reduces the temperature. This is an effect of the Law of Conservation of Energy.

[20] AMD – a company more known for making motherboards and processors

[21] ATI – a company more known for making GPUs. NVIDIA is the main competitor of ATI

[22] microstuttering – small but noticeable skips in fluidity of frame rates. Microstuttering becomes more evident below 20 FPS.

[23] Vsync – known as vertical synchronization, it allows for synchronization of the change in frame rates.

[24] Vista – the 6th series to Microsoft's operating system

[25] 3DMark 06 – It is the latest 3D benchmarking tool released from Futuremark for DX9 games (I scored about 8000 3D Marks here :(. Damn you Oogway and your HD4870 X2 lol! )

Oogway's profanity score

**7 fucks** **_2 arse/arseholes_ ****1 dick** _**1 damn**_ _1 NVIDIOT_


End file.
